First of all, please don't think I am a spoiled brat because I'm not. I have to work to get the things that I want and that I need.
In my case my work meant getting good grades and staying out of trouble.
But still that doesn't always apply in my house, in my senior year my English department teacher was organizing a trip to London for that summer, I've always wanted to go there, so I asked my dad, if I passed all of my classes (I was failing Math) if I could go, he said yes, I passed and I went to London. My sis made the same compromise with my dad, she failed 2 classes and still got to go. That is not fair, but then again my dad 95% of the time gives my sis what she wants.
One of the reasons I want to get a job, besides being economically independent, is that I sometimes feel I don't deserve things I have or get.
The reason of this being that all of my Internet friends work, because they have to, because they want to buy stuff, because they have bills to pay, and some of them are not even adults with ¨real life¨ responsibilities, while in my case I can just ask my dad to buy stuff.
We are not reach or anything similar, my dad works pretty much from Sunday to Sunday, and there have been a lot of times in which money has been tight but still my parents have managed to keep us in private school.
Most of my friends are trying to get extra hours at work to be able to pay for LeakyCon, while in my case I just had to ask my dad if I could go and if he would pay for it. If I want to buy something for me or my friends, my parents would pay for it. My parents have never given us money weekly or anything like, nor do we have access to unlimited amounts of money - if that was the case I could be buying a book per week!-.
When I first thought about getting a job, a couple of years ago, my main reason behind it was that I could get as much books, make up, movies, Cd's (yes in that order) as I could afford. Now I want to get a job so I can buy some WROCK/nerdy stuff, and so I can buy my friends gifts from my own money.
I blame my school for making me think about a job lately (I'm supposed to start having practical hours this semester) and I've been thinking that as of right now, I really don't need to have a job. If I worked, yes the money would help the house, it would mean more ¨spending¨ money for everyone, but my family isn't in desperate need of me looking for a job, nor is my wallet. After all. I've lived years without going to Ghandi every week. But still it would be nice to say I bought this book with the sweat of my brow (quite literally if I'm near the stove all day) or I bought the shirt my friend wanted as a gift or I took my friends to dinner.
I feel bad about myself, making plans for LeakyCon or talking about how awesome it will be when I know some of my friends, who might have been Potter fans for longer than I have won't make it there. Or talking about how I went and spend 50 bucks in make up when I know some of my friends could use that money for buying schoolbooks.
I think this all goes back to what Hank Green said once in one of his videos (I'm not the best at quoting so this are not the exact words) ¨I can't care about every single person there is in the world because it would be overwhelming¨ Well I'm not thinking about everyone, just the ones I know, and being the not so brave and strong person I am, just worrying about the small group of people I know, has had me with a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes the whole time I've spent typing this blog.
Please don't think that I don't want to know how your day has been, I am always interested in all my friends day to day life, I just feel like I'm cheating you guys in some way for not working as hard as you, and for being part of a group I always thought I wasn't, the lazy ask to daddy type of kid.
Anyway it is late, I am tired, depressed, rambling and with Internet access. This are probably not very good combinations.
Just know I really do love you (if you are one of my Potter nerdy friends, if you are not how did you find my blog?) and I really am grateful to have you in my life and that you show me how to be a better person.
XOXO
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